Helpful Hobbit: Vodka Replaces Febreze

Welcome to the new series here at Bilbo's Hobbit Hole called "HELPFUL HOBBIT".  This series may or may not be helpful.  Some may be very sarcastic.  If you want to sound like a moron, call this series, "LIFE HACKS".  Either way, enjoy...

Vodka

Hey kids!  So I have a lot of nifty things I do because, well, I am awesome sauce.  I thought I might share one or two with you.

Today, I present your replacement for Febreze:  Vodka.

That's right.

Steps

STEP ONE: Go to the dollar store and get a generic spray bottle.

STEP TWO: Go to the grocery store and get the grossest cheapest bottle of vodka you can find.  The gem shown in the photo is a 750ml bottle found on the bottom shelf for $5.99.

STEP THREE:  DO NOT DRINK THIS VODKA.  Cheap vodka is not for drinking.  Do not do it, no matter what.  If you want to drink vodka, be an adult and go buy some Grey Goose.  It is the only acceptable drinking vodka.

STEP FOUR: Pour the entire bottle of vodka into the spray bottle.  It will not fill it all the way.

STEP FIVE:  Spray on any surface you might normally spray Febreze on.  Don't use as much as you would had you still been using that chemical, overpriced, crap.  Obviously, don't be an idiot.  Test a small area of fabric first.

Why would you do any of this?

It's less expensive because you need way less vodka than Febreze.

It's way way way better for the environment.

It's all natural.  (Yes, alcohol is natural.)

It's freaking awesome!

I use it on the couch, carpet, pet bedding, our bedding, our mattress, and, perhaps most importantly, our unwashable memory foam pillows.  Take the pillow out of it's case and outer layer.  Spray with Vodka.  Let dry in the sun.  It will smell fresh and clean.

Why does it work?

Who cares?  If you really must know, alcohol evaporates and takes whatever nasty stank it absorbed while liquid with it.  Don't be such a Needy Nellie.

If you are concerned about staining, you can dilute with water.  If you want foofy scents, add 20 drops of your favorite essential oil to the bottle.  NONE OF THIS IS NECESSARY.

You're welcome.

Hopefully this Hobbit has Helped you today!