Dries My Sack: Six Flags Magic Mountain Management

Welcome to the next entry in my, ongoing, op-ed. This series is titled "Dries My Sack" and can be compared to the Grinds My Gears segment in Family Guy Presents - Stewie Griffin: The Untold Story. As I find things in life that piss me off, they'll become part of this series. The title for the series comes from a joke my father made while kayaking. I have a "Dry Sack" for keeping things dry during water sports and he made the joke that I should see a doctor. There you go...

Six Flags Magic Management?

You know what really dries my sack?

Magic Mountain Management.

My family has membership passes to Six Flags Magic Mountain.  This means we pay a monthly fee for unlimited admissions.  One of our passes also pays a monthly fee for free parking and all of us pay an annual fee for free lunch, beverages, snacks, and dinner on each visit.  It's a great package because it gives us truly free days throughout the year.  It's fun, and usually it is a blast.

Today, I write this open letter to the management of Six Flags Magic Mountain in the hopes that they will pull their heads out of their asses and figure out how to properly schedule employees.

Dear Magic Mountain Management,

I made the gross error of bringing my family to Magic Mountain on Sunday, January 29th, 2017, having not realized it was a "Bring a Friend Free" day for pass holders.  I write you today because someone at your park made a grave misjudgment on park attendance and scheduling.

I recount your mistake to you now...

When the entire back half of your park is under construction for a new ride coming at some point in 2017, DO NOT DO BRING A FRIEND FREE DAYS!

I repeat, when less than half of your dining options in the back half of your park are open because EVERYTHING else is closed for new ride construction, DO NOT DO BRING A FRIEND FREE DAYS!

We waited in line for 1 hour just to refill our sodas at Teen Titans Tower Pizza.  1 hour.  For a soda I have already paid for.  1 hour.

Why you ask?

Allow me to educate you:

1.  You still don't have designated lines at EVERY location for soda bottle refills.  I should not have to wait for 80 people to order pizzas when all I am doing is refilling my soda bottle, which is already paid.

2.  You ALWAYS grossly underestimate staff requirements on Bring a Friend Free days.  Always.

3.  You scheduled Bring a Friend Free days when you KNEW that a vast majority of the back section of your park is closed and under construction including most of the dinning venues, Tidal Wave, and Riddler's Revenge.

Do you see the problem here?

Let me help you solve them...

1.  Create designated soda lines at all dining venues.  It's simple.

2.  Talk to Disneyland scheduling about how to properly staff.  They are really good at it.

3. Stop doing Bring a Friend Free days while your park is renovating.

They are simple solutions to a ludicrous problems.

You see, we all know that you're the laughable last place position in the theme park wars and that's why you're so inexpensive.  We get that.  We understand that you get what you pay for.  But there's a big difference between getting what you pay for and paying so little and still feeling ripped off.  You still haven't figured out that you're not laughable because of a lack of rides and attractions, but for a lack of basic customer service.  I prove this further by mentioning, that never once, have I been contacted by management when I specifically mark that I would like that on every single survey I have ever filled out for you.

All that being said, the hot dogs at Loaded Dogs are fantastic and the ladies at the understaffed Cold Stone Limited near Apocolypse deserve a raise.  They hustled in the peak crowds and did so with a smile.  Maybe they should do your scheduling from now on.

Seriously guys, a little forethought goes a long way.  I will wait to ride an awesome coaster, but if I ever wait an hour for a prepaid soda again, you'll lose my longstanding membership.

And that's what really dries my sack.