Dries My Sack: Littering Justified as Marketing

Welcome to the next entry in my, ongoing, op-ed. This series is titled "Dries My Sack" and can be compared to the Grinds My Gears segment in Family Guy Presents - Stewie Griffin: The Untold Story. As I find things in life that piss me off, they'll become part of this series. The title for the series comes from a joke my father made while kayaking. I have a "Dry Sack" for keeping things dry during water sports and he made the joke that I should see a doctor. There you go...

This is a huge waste of paper.

You know what really dries my sack?

Littering justified as marketing.

Just this week, my driveway was littered by two different companies.  Now, let me preface this by saying that I am not against marketing.  I run my own small business and I must constantly reevaluate my marketing needs.  Cost vs. effect.  My city vs. my county vs. my state.  Online vs. paper.  And the list goes on.  I tend to lean towards online advertising and good old in person advertising at events.  It is nearly 2017 after all.

There is an important note in that last paragraph.  It's nearly 2017.  Let's look at that year really quick.  Where are you reading this blog?  Most of you are reading it on a cellphone and the rest on a laptop.  Desktop computers are a thing of the past for personal use.  Now, let's say you wanted to buy something right now for Christmas.  Would you go out or just go online?  I am betting, unless you're reading this on Black Friday, that you'd likely go to Amazon.com or the like.  Now, let's say you wanted to call me right now to book a wedding but didn't have my number.  Would you Google me or go to the end of your driveway to pickup the yellow pages, brush it off, and then open it up?  Let me stop you there.  You'd Google me.

You see the point, right?  We do most of our stuff online.  We even search the "Yellow Pages"  ONLINE!!!  So why, oh why, is Dex Media still producing phone books?  Why are outdated companies like Frontier still ordering them?

Most importantly, why are either of them paying some schmuck to throw their product at the end of driveways everywhere?  It's been 4 days and most of them in my neighborhood are still sitting halfway between the driveways and the street.  They are torn and tattered and a little wet.  They have definitely been run over more than once.  At least the churches have the courtesy to put the flyer on my porch before I don't bother looking at it and throw it away.  Any way, did you know you can help the environment by contacting the publisher of your phone book and opting out?  Do it!  Let's bring the phone companies out of the dark ages!

I'd like to say that the phone book was the only litter at the end of my driveway and that of all my neighbors.  I'd like to say that.  For some reason, people still buy Avon products and thus, there are still Avon Representatives.  They, or people they pay, love to drop huge, wasteful brochures on a regular basis on the off chance you don't get your beauty products for much less elsewhere.  I get that.  Everybody is trying to make their living.

Guess what Avon Representative...You'd stand a slightly higher chance if I didn't have to walk all the way to the end of my driveway to pick up that wet, torn, wasteful brochure.  Did you, Avon Representative, know that is littering?  It is.  Come back to the neighborhood today, a week later.  Most of the brochures are still in driveways, yards, and in the street.  The rest are thrown out.  How many orders did you get?

I actually called this particular rep to alert her of her illegal littering on private property.  I got to the word "illegal" before she hung up on me.  I decided to contact Avon directly.  I thought maybe they would care to know how their company was being represented in my town.  They were quick to jump behind their ass-covering phrase of: "Although Avon does not approve of this method of distribution, please keep in mind that Avon Representatives are not employees of Avon Products, Inc, but rather independent business contractors."  I quickly informed them that didn't matter.  That brochure, to me, came from them, not this particular "Contractor".  Avon, to me, was a bunch of littering pains in the ass.

Avon contacted the rep to shake their finger at her and encouraged me to contact the police if it continues.

Why should I have to?  It's nearly 2017.  Shouldn't we know littering isn't okay?

If you're still passing out fliers and pamphlets door to door, you must make it TO THE DOOR. 

Littering is not okay.

And that's what really dries my sack.