Dries My Sack: Parking

Welcome to the third entry in my, ongoing, op-ed. This series is titled "Dries My Sack" and can be compared to the Grinds My Gears segment in Family Guy Presents - Stewie Griffin: The Untold Story. As I find things in life that piss me off, they'll become part of this series. The title for the series comes from a joke my father made while kayaking. I have a "Dry Sack" for keeping things dry during water sports and he made the joke that I should see a doctor. There you go...

You know what really dries my sack?

People that don't know how to park.  This is a problem at two locations.

Location 1: Anywhere You Try to Find Parking

Hey drivers, stop being douche bags. A parking space is just that: A place to park your vehicle.  While I realize that some of you are too stupid to understand how to park a car, it shouldn't be this difficult.  Here are some basic tips:

The lines on the ground come in many colors but they all mean the same thing.  They define the boundaries of the parking space.  When you are driving a vehicle and need to park it somewhere, you are allotted one space as defined within those lines.  The lines are not guidelines.  The lines are not suggestions.  Pretend they are concrete walls that will destroy any portion of your vehicle that touches them.

The little blue box with the white stick figure that looks like the photo means that particular space is designated for handicapped people.  It does not matter if you'll only be a minute.  It doesn't matter if you hurt your foot this morning.  If you do not have the credentials from the DMV, you don't get to park there.

The International Symbol for Close Parking

If someone is stopped in the middle of an aisle, chances are they are waiting for a spot.  The etiquette is as follows:  The person waiting should be within 3 car's distance of the space they're waiting for.  The person waiting should have their blinker on in the direction they'll be turning.  EVERYBODY ELSE SHOULD MOVE ON.  You don't get to swoop in and take someone's space.  Don't be a dick.

That's it.  Parking is not hard.  You're just stupid.

Location 2: Visiting Someone's Home

If you are visiting someone's home, you should make every effort to park in front of the home you're visiting or on a blank curb.  Parking in front of a home you're not visiting is taking away a parking space from guests of that home.  It's rude.  In some neighborhoods, that can't be avoided.  That's understandable.  If you MUST park in front of a home other than the home you're visiting, don't park like a spoiled brat.  Pull your car as far forward as possible so another car can fit behind you.  Be parked within 18 inches of the curb so you're not taking up street space for passing vehicles.  Don't walk on the yard of the house you parked in front of.

It's pretty simple.  Be kind.

On a side note, if you have more vehicles than fit in your driveway, rethink your life's choices.  You're part of the problem.

That's it.  That's what really dries my sack.