Dries My Sack: Driving on the Freeway

Welcome to the next entry in my, ongoing, op-ed. This series is titled "Dries My Sack" and can be compared to the Grinds My Gears segment in Family Guy Presents - Stewie Griffin: The Untold Story. As I find things in life that piss me off, they'll become part of this series. The title for the series comes from a joke my father made while kayaking. I have a "Dry Sack" for keeping things dry during water sports and he made the joke that I should see a doctor. There you go...

Los Angeles ALWAYS looks like this.

You know what really dries my sack?

Driving on the freeway.  Specifically, having to drive on the freeway with other people.  This post assumes a speed limit of 65.  Adjust accordingly to your freeway.

I live in Southern California.  I have for most of my life.  I have somewhat of a bitter blindness towards Los Angeles traffic.  It sucks but it is what it is.  Traffic, alone, doesn't upset me.  The cause of traffic does.

I am going to blindly make up a statistic here but I am positive it's not far off...

90% of traffic ANYWHERE in the world is not caused by accidents, excessive vehicles on the road, or natural disasters.  90% of traffic is caused by stupidity.  Not one specific stupid thing some people do, but a lot of stupid things a lot of people do.  All of these things cause traffic.  Let's dive right in...

GETTING ON THE FREEWAY

That long stretch of road that is most often two lanes and begins on a street and ends by merging with the right lane of the freeway is called an on ramp.  An on ramp exists for one purpose: To allow you, the driver entering the freeway, to get up to the same speed as vehicles already on the freeway.  If you cannot use that yardage to get up to 65 miles per hour, you shouldn't be getting on the freeway.  This brings us to...

MERGING

Whether getting on the freeway, switching lanes, or getting off the freeway, you will have to merge at some point.  Merging is apparently the most complicated thing in the world since so many do not know how to do it.  Merging is the act of moving your vehicle from your current lane into another lane.  The general rule of thumb on any freeway is that traffic moves faster the further left the lane is.  We'll touch on speed in a bit.  For now, let's stick with the assumption.  If you are in the right lane, doing 55 mph and you want to merge to the next lane to your left that has a flow of traffic of 65 mph, it is YOUR job to get up to speed BEFORE merging.  It is not my job to slow down for you.  It is not my job to swerve out of the way.  It's also not my job to make sure the lane is clear for you.  It's your job.  Just because you've decided to merge doesn't mean you can merge.

DRIVING

As mentioned, the assumption is that your freeway has a "Maximum Speed Limit" of 65 miles per hour for cars and 55 miles per hour for vehicles with more than 2 axles.  Let's pretend our freeway has 4 lanes PLUS a carpool lane.  On the right is the slow lane.  It is reserved for vehicles getting on and off the freeway and slow vehicles subject to the 55 mph rule.  The next lane over is a transition lane and a passing lane.  It is a lane built for drivers getting on and off the freeway to be able to adjust speed and for those 3 axle vehicles to pass slower 3 axle vehicles in the right lane.  (Please note:  Passing does not mean you can stay in the 2nd lane for 20 miles jerks.  Get back over!)  The next lane is a normal freeway lane.  You should never be in this lane at any speed lower than 65 miles per hour.  EVER.  The next lane is the fast lane. 65 miles per hour is the speed here for law abiding citizens, or so you think.  More commonly, it's 70-90 miles per hour.  In reality, it's the passing lane. If you're not going faster than the flow of traffic, passing vehicles, you shouldn't be here. The final lane is a carpool lane and if you don't have the right number of passengers in your vehicle, don't be a dick.  Keep out.  Also, regardless of passenger count, learn what a double yellow line means and stop crossing it.

We've covered the lanes, now let's cover the speeds.  The speed limit for ALL cars is 65 mph.  If a vehicle is doing 65 mph in the fast lane and you're that asshole doing 90 mph coming up behind them, flashing your brights, you're both in the wrong.  It's a passing lane for safe driving. 65 is not safe in this lane. 90 isn't either. The same thing applies in the slow lane at 55 mph.  You're really not going to get there much quicker by being a dick and chances are, you're going to cause an accident or at the very least, traffic by causing other drivers to panic and brake or swerve.

GETTING OFF THE FREEWAY

The same rules apply as getting on the freeway.  Use the off ramp to slow your vehicle down, not the freeway lanes.  Also, those large green signs with white writing give you valuable information about upcoming exits as far as 5 miles away.  Read them.  Start getting over at the first sign.  I cannot tell you how obnoxious it is to pass 3 signs stating an exit is coming up and seeing some moron slamming on his brakes in the fast lane and cutting across 4 lanes of traffic 500 yards before the exit.  Literally, there were signs.

Usually, you think you're driving like a smooth operator but YOU'RE the reason there's traffic.  If 5,000,000 drivers all lined up in a single lane and drove according to these etiquette rules, everyone will arrive to their destination in a timely fashion.  If you subvert these rules, you cause accidents, unnecessary braking, unnecessary merging, and general malaise among other drivers.  You're the problem.

And that's what really dries my sack.